My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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