What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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