I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
