I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
