as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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