all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
