1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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