i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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