your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
