I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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