Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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