I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize