I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
