Her vagina should come with caution tape.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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