and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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