Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
