the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize