The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
