Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
