Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
