Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
