dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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