He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
