Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize