enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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