I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
