I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
