my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found the puke drawer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
