its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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