if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This is my gift to your gina
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
