So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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