You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
