OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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