capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
