just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
