i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
