just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
