I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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