So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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