Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
