Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
