So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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