Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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