apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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