In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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