I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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