white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
