Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
