I got her a Nickelback box set.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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