I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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