When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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