I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
