I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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