you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
