Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize