Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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