Your face is a jimmy john
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
