yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are my feet made of real feet?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
