dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Less talking, more tequila
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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