1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
