Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
