sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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