Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
