the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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