all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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