She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
