right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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